From self.com
Having the right people in your corner can relieve some pressure
Even though more than 35 million Americans have type 2 diabetes, getting diagnosed with the chronic condition can feel overwhelming. It’s natural to want to turn to family and friends for help, but speaking candidly about your diagnosis can sometimes be tricky in its own right.
“There’s a stigma attached to type 2 diabetes,” says Camilla Levister, NP, a certified diabetes care and education specialist in the division of endocrinology, metabolism, and bone disease at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Some people who are unfamiliar with diabetes might inaccurately attribute it to a person's lifestyle or assume their weight or eating habits are solely to blame. These are common misconceptions, but the truth is that type 2 diabetes isn’t always linked to a person’s weight or whether they eat sugar. “A lot of patients I speak to have guilt or shame, or they’re worried they’ll be judged by family members,” Levister tells SELF.
Unfortunately, not all loved ones will be receptive toward how you’re feeling—or understand why you’re making certain changes. And you won’t always want to be open with everyone, which is perfectly okay, Alison Ward, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Washington Medicine’s Diabetes Institute at South Lake Union, tells SELF. Your diagnosis is just that: yours. It’s a privilege—not a right!—for other people to know personal details about your health, even if they’re your family members or others you’re super close to.
If you want to talk to loved ones about your condition, it helps to have a plan in place—that way, you can help guide them to understand the facts and how you’re feeling. Here’s how to tell the people in your life about a type 2 diabetes diagnosis.
Try to feel confident and informed about type 2 diabetes to help others do the same.
If you’re still wrapping your brain around type 2 diabetes, it may be helpful to hold off on telling loved ones about your diagnosis until you feel more knowledgeable and comfortable about the condition and how you and your care team intend to treat it.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Institutes of Health, and American Diabetes Association have lifestyle guides and resources for people who’ve just been diagnosed, including information about symptoms, medications, tests (and how to use them), recipes, and where to find support groups. Knowing the facts about type 2 diabetes can help prepare you to answer tough questions—or address off-base suggestions.
If you’re working with a primary care doctor, they can also connect you with a diabetes specialist, like an endocrinologist, or a registered dietitian or pharmacist who is also a certified diabetes educator. You can also try a diabetes self-management course—a program that helps you learn to monitor your blood sugar, cook diabetes-friendly meals, and more—if you’re up for it, Dr. Ward says.
Ask for the floor when it’s time to talk.
Whether you think they’ll be curious or concerned about your diagnosis, Levister recommends making sure you’re heard in full before your loved one responds. This can give you a chance to share what you’ve learned about type 2 diabetes—and squash misconceptions as they arise.
Here’s a sample script that Levister often encourages folks with diabetes to use when introducing their diagnosis. While it’s a good starting point, feel free to tweak this template based on your unique journey—as well as who you’re talking to:
“I’m telling you about my diagnosis because I care about you and our relationship. I’d like to be able to talk to you about it, so I want to share what I’ve learned so far as I’ve discussed nutrition with my registered dietitian/doctor. They explained that having type 2 diabetes doesn’t mean I can never have sweets or carbs again. Instead, they stressed that I should be mindful of what I’m eating, including my portion sizes. They also said that many of the nutrition changes recommended for people with diabetes are things that are recommended to most people in general, including eating more fruits and vegetables, more fibre, and more lean protein. I want to be clear that I don’t need commentary or feedback on what I’m supposed to eat or how I’m supposed to move. I’m working with my dietitian/doctor to take care of myself. Right now, I would appreciate your support, understanding, and encouragement. If you have any questions about my diagnosis, I’m happy to answer them.”
Ideally, your loved one will be receptive from the start. If that’s not the case, Dr. Ward recommends using the “assertive formula” to help communicate your needs directly. Here’s how it might look in action:
“It makes me feel [ashamed, hurt, angry, anxious, etc.] when you comment ABC [I ate a specific type of food, I walked for 20 minutes instead of 30, etc.]. In the future, I’d prefer XYZ [you keep judgmental comments to yourself, you trust me to manage my condition, etc.].”
If your friend or family member still isn’t giving you the response you’re looking for, but you still want them involved with your care plan, Dr. Ward says you can consider talking to a family therapist. That person can potentially help bridge gaps in communication when it comes to your diagnosis.
Be clear about how your community can support you.
Despite their best intentions, family and friends might not know how to be helpful right away. “Sometimes you need to tell [loved ones] what you need from them,” Levister says. Maybe that means watching for potentially dangerous situations: “If you’re on medications that might cause low blood sugar, then it’s good for people around you to know that,” he says, adding that you can tell them what low blood sugar symptoms look like—and when they should step in to help.
You may also want their company at doctor’s appointments or help prepping meals. (A cooking class could be fun to try!) Or maybe you need someone to validate your emotions when things feel difficult or draining. That part’s key: Frustration that builds up over time can cause problems down the road, like burnout that leads to skipping medications. “Some people keep [their diabetes] to themselves and don’t necessarily share or have expectations of loved ones. It can be a lonely experience,” Dr. Ward says. "Chronic illness is not just your problem. It’s the family’s condition.”
If you’ve chosen to tell someone about your type 2 diabetes, chances are it’s because you know how much they care about you—and how strongly they want you to thrive. Reach out about your diagnosis when you’re ready, but don’t be afraid to ask for support whenever you need it.
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